by Brittany, DTS student
I have a difficult time building relationships with people. I’ve been let down one too many times to feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Instead, I just float from relationship to relationship. I don’t settle in to them because that leaves too much space for getting hurt.
But while I was on outreach in Thailand, I realized that I was approaching my relationship with God the same way. I’d do what He’d tell me, I’d worship, and I was committed to Him, but I wouldn’t open myself up to le
t Him love me back.
You see, I expected G
od to fail me. I didn’t believe that He would meet my needs or love me unconditionally.
One day, while I was in Pattaya, Thailand, I cried out to God. In my desperation and cynicism, I asked, “Can you prove to me that I am safe with you?” Because there was no way I was going to throw myself into another relationship where I would get hurt. I wrote the question in my journal and put the journal aside. Before long, the question slipped from my thoughts.
A few days later, we attended a graduation ceremony for people who had completed an English language course so they could leave their lives of bar-work/prostitution behind.
I listened intently to the teacher giving the graduation speech. It was so touching to hear the stories of what the students had been through.
“I prayed about what I should say next,” she said to the class. “I felt like God wanted me to tell you, ‘You are safe.'”
She went from student to student, looking them in the eyes, putting her hand on their heads and repeating the phrase “You are safe.” She went on to talk about life, and how these people had been dealt some difficult cards. But despite those troubles, they are safe. That God is with them, and always has been.
And then, it dawned on me. What had I journaled just two days earlier? “Can you prove to me that I am safe?” My eyes welled with tears. Now every time the woman said “You are safe,” it was like an arrow straight to the chest. God had answered me yet again, and I could feel it in my heart. I was overwhelmed by God’s goodness.
After the ceremony was over and the crowd had transitioned into eating, I found the woman who gave the speech. I thanked her for what she said, and I told her about my journal entry. She laughed and then put her hand on my head. She told me that what she was doing, was what God was doing, and to accept it. She looked me in the eyes and said, “You are safe.”
Then she closed her eyes and described to me a picture of a little girl trying to keep up with her dad.
“Even when the dad is walking his slowest,” she said, “it still takes the child three steps to match the father’s one step.Don’t be upset with where you are. You’re not falling behind. God isn’t walking ahead of you. He won’t leave you.”
Once again, God, being the most faithful being ever to exist, answered my question. He answered me out of love, and gave me yet another glimpse of the safety and commitment He has for His children.
He reached out His hand and gave me the most precious privilege of engaging in the greatest relationship I could ever partake in, a relationship with Him.